The Child, the Woman, and the Man

To look at the world with the heart of a child, and inevitably life will become more beautiful.

1. There is no righteousness for a nation whose children’s roots have been corrupted. There is no light more brilliant and more radiant than the rays emitted by the fetus in the darkness of its mother’s womb. The time it takes for a newborn to open its eyes: cows at the moment of birth, goats after two hours, cats after six days, dogs after ten days, and humans after marriage. True light emanates from within the human and reveals the secrets of his soul. The child is the son of innate nature and the son of nature. “Every child is born upon the fitrah…”. [Hadith]. (...The Fitrah of God upon which He created people — there is no change in God’s creation, that is the upright religion—but most people do not know.) [Surah Ar - Rum 30]. Nature teaches humans, humanity is their book, and life is their school. The heavens have strange affairs concerning humans; they may combine the beauty of the face with the imbalance of feelings, and compare the gentle rays of the eyes with the darkness of the sick soul.

2. The child that predatory man has planted in the womb of the broken, humbled woman will be nothing but a monster like his father or a submissive servant like his mother. We come into the world as children to learn from the beauties of life and its secrets, and if we do not return as children, we cannot know the taste of true happiness. In reality, a woman understands the child more than a man does, yet a man is closer to the child’s nature than the woman; in every man hides a child longing to play. Women should work on discovering the child within the man. A man remains a child until his mother dies. If she dies, he ages suddenly. The sensitive child, who feels much and knows little, is the unhappiest of creatures… and if he has no amusements or companions at home to occupy his thoughts, life is like a narrow prison before him… Every human, no matter his age, has a child living within him, yearning for wonder, love, care, and attention, to make him safe, free from anxiety, to give him the ability to express his feelings. Do not neglect this child; listen to him, care for him, even if no one pays attention to him. Look at him yourself, because he is the part that preserves the spirit of passion and love of life within you.

3. The child loves nature, yet they confined him within four walls. The child cannot sit still, yet they forced him to sit still. He loves to work with his hands, yet they began teaching him theories and ideas. He loves to speak, yet they ordered him to remain silent. He seeks to understand things, yet they forced him to memorize information. He wants to explore and acquire knowledge by himself, yet it was presented to him ready-made. Thus, his education hinders his true learning. Thus, school became a process of deception for the child.

4. Strength is not as some know it, describing it as being hard, indifferent, ignoring feelings, and not caring even for one’s losses, as if the heart were a rock. True strength lies in the tenderness of the heart, tears of mercy, giving without return, and giving love to those around you without being selfish. A woman in anger surpasses a man’s strength many times over, yet by God’s mercy, her tears precede her strength. Possession for a man is an end; for a woman, it is a beginning. When a man loves a woman, he hides her within himself for fear others may take her. When a woman loves a man, she shows it openly so no one dares approach him. A man sacrifices anyone for principle, a woman sacrifices any principle for a person. The man is mind; the woman is heart. Women understand men, but men are understood only by women. The dumbest men are those who watch their wives to prevent betrayal; the wisest are those who enchant her heart leaving no space for another. A man hides his betrayal behind a smile; a woman hides hers behind tears. Love asks a woman’s permission to enter her heart; a man enters it hastily.

5. A man is born twice: once from a woman who gives him life, and once from a woman who gives him love. The first gives him his life, the second gives him her life. A woman is a creature meant to be loved, not understood. Men love little and rarely; women love much and rarely. A man may love a woman more than she loves him, but the woman expresses it better than the man. It may appear that she loves him more, while in truth he loves her more. A man loves to enjoy life; a woman lives to enjoy love. A man wants to be the first to enter a woman’s heart; a woman wants to be the last to enter a man’s heart. No matter how much a man keeps a woman in his mind, he will not possess her until she places him in her heart. A man in love wants to know what the woman does; the woman wishes to forget all she does. The heart is like a grave — two cannot reside in it; love is like death — it does not repeat twice. A man’s grave is a merciless woman; a woman’s grave is an incomprehensible man. Therefore, a woman must not be suppressed because her rebellion is lethal. A woman is the only state requiring only one warrior to conquer it.

6. True love creates miracles, and it is not a virtue in the lover but in the beloved. It is born with a word and cannot die with a word. Love is not excessive romance, annoying attention, controlling jealousy, constant contact, or endless messages; true love is praying for the beloved without their knowledge, caring for them when they are unwell, being with them when they need us, speaking to them about anything to maintain the bond, rejoicing in their joy, grieving their sorrow, reminding them of good in front and behind, and keeping them in our heart as they are, even if absent. Love asks a woman for permission to enter her heart; a man storms in without asking. When a man earns money, he gives his wife all she needs; when a woman earns money, she says she does not need a man.

7. A man may love more than once in his life, may meet more than once, may even marry more than once… but there is always a woman he never forgets, no matter what, even if the relationship ended. She is always in his mind, thoughts, and memories… A man does not value this woman until he loses her. This woman is content, supportive in crises, wise in judgment, patient with life’s ups and downs, and tolerant when he is agitated. A woman proud of her femininity is delicate, sensitive, and emotional. A man feels safe in her embrace and faces all difficulties with her tenderness. She appreciates his apology, bears no grudge, forgives, and has a pure heart.

8. A woman is the foundation of existence and the flavor of life; without her, life is unbearable hell. Femininity is modesty, not seduction. From a woman’s tenderness, a man’s heart drinks; from a man’s care, a woman’s heart beats. Therefore, a woman is like a finely crafted musical instrument, giving her finest melodies only to one who masters the strings of her heart. On the other hand, a woman is like the sea: beautiful in appearance, hellish in anger, and mysterious in depth. Therefore, a man should be her adviser, not punisher; confident in her, not controlling; a man for her, not over her. A woman’s morals are often influenced by her environment, and her children inherit much of her character. The ugliest men see a woman only as a body; the ugliest women see a man only as wealth.

9. If a man fails in love, he wishes to remain single all his life. If a woman fails in love, she hastens to marry the first man she meets. The longer a man’s bachelorhood, the more he wishes to remain single. If a man errs, he regrets; if a woman errs, she apologizes. If a man loves, he shows it without delay; the woman does the opposite. If a man loves, he has ten eyes; if a woman loves, she has a thousand tongues. Love is autumn for a man but spring for a woman. When a man loves a woman for her virtues, it is not true love; when he loves her despite her flaws, that is true love. A man is more tender than a woman because when a woman is angry at a man, she hates all men; when a man is angry at a woman, he pities all women. A woman’s betrayal is a thousand times more dangerous than a man’s. A man betrays for desire only; he cannot fall for a deceitful woman. But a woman betrays with emotion, love, and passion, willing to kill her husband for her lover. A woman is stronger and more skillful than a man in hiding betrayal. If a woman cries for a man, she loves him from her heart; if a man cries for a woman, no one loves her like him.

10. Men say knowledge is power; women say beauty is authority. A man has a lamp —conscience; a woman has a star — hope. The lamp guides, hope saves. A man uproots the tree, its trunk and leaves; a woman is its fruit. A man is a man at times; a woman is a woman at all times. A woman before twenty does not know what she wants from herself; after thirty, her words are not trustworthy. A man thinks then decides; a woman decides then thinks. Men achieve great deeds — this is a fact; women create men—this is a fact men always forget. No woman dies of hunger and thirst with a poor man, but some die of oppression and humiliation with a rich man who does not respect or value her feelings. The lesson is not poverty or wealth but the character of men. A man’s loyalty is tested when he has everything; a woman’s loyalty is tested when her husband has nothing.

11. A woman is like soft grass, bending before the breeze but not breaking before the storm. She is the most delicate and the most difficult to deal with, to the extent that a pleasing flower satisfies her but a hurtful word kills her. A man is security for a woman; a woman is trust for a man. Women are created for trust, not humiliation; they want to live under a man’s protection, not under a man’s humiliation. No matter how old she grows, a woman remains like a child—happy when asked, crying when neglected. A man’s scent is his masculinity; a woman’s scent is her modesty. On the other hand, a woman who spends a year bargaining over her dowry, gifts, and wedding luxury is still a servant in the full meaning of the word.

12. A man dreams of a perfect woman; a woman dreams of a perfect man. They do not know that God created them to complete each other. Although every man dreams of a woman, society sees giving birth to a boy as hope and a girl as disappointment. A man is a friend if the woman opens her heart to him and an enemy if she gives her heart. Conflicts do not kill love; they renew it. Whoever uses them as an excuse to separate does not know the meaning of love. A man smiles less than a woman, is happy less than a woman, uses emotion less than a woman, speaks less than a woman, yet lives under more pressure than a woman. The average woman cries more than the average man, as she may cry thirty times a year, while a man cries on average six times only.

13. True light emanates from within the human and reveals the secrets of his soul. How strange love is: like life, it belongs to all humans; like death, it overcomes all humans; like eternity, it encompasses all humans. Yet man is a captive of his suffering and a servant of his desires, with a blind power that erupts in madness and subsides before desires. The devil is in a man’s mind, not in a woman’s body. When a man speaks, he tries to be logical; a woman tries to be attractive. What a woman fears most from a man is his silence; what a man fears most from a woman is her words. And if asked how a wise woman treats her husband, I say a wise woman does not marry.

14. Beauty is not in bodies and faces; beauty is in the light of the eyes and the radiance of the hearts. Beauty is not in a beautiful face, but in a beautiful mind and a beautiful heart, and most importantly, a beautiful soul. If a man’s beauty attracts some women, most search for his masculinity, not his beauty. Therefore, a woman is not loved through the eyes—eyes may find the most beautiful, but hearts are loved—the hearts never resemble each other. Yet most men are like window glass: we see the truth through them, but they separate us from it. Often we borrow their hearts but rarely keep them. A man who does not forgive a woman’s small faults cannot enjoy her great virtues. A woman has two hearts: one to contemplate, one to suffer. A man does not love the fruit if it is too sweet; he desires the woman because he tastes bitterness in the sweetest women. A man does not love the most beautiful woman, but the woman who gives him the most beautiful feeling.

15. Moreover, a man should beware of a woman when love possesses her, as she sacrifices everything for her love. A man’s happiness depends on his will; a woman’s happiness depends on the man’s will. A woman may feel a man’s strength but cannot understand it. A woman who steals a man’s mind is wiser than a woman who steals his heart because a man has a thousand hearts and one mind. If a woman’s mind withers and dies, the nation’s mind withers and dies. A man does not attach to a woman who gives him her heart but to one who burns his heart. No matter how much a man places a woman in his mind, he will not possess her until she places him in her heart. To preserve his place in her heart, a man must be mysterious, not reveal his deep feelings or true savings. A man cannot win a woman’s heart unless she wants him to. Therefore, a woman was created to be loved, not understood. She also loves the man who constantly renews her childhood.

16. A woman’s heart holds purity, and her mind, though limited, holds shrewdness; if she places a man in her heart, she elevates him to the sky, but if she places him in her mind, night will never settle upon him. Therefore, the most dangerous women are those who love intelligently. Her true danger lies in her softness, and her overwhelming strength manifests in her tenderness. She knows precisely when to approach and when to withdraw. All women may bear sons, but only circumstances bring forth men. Therefore, a mother cannot be valued with a price, and a father cannot be replaced by time. If the man is the head of the family, the woman is the neck that moves the head. Honesty in the story suffices, purity in love suffices, and loyalty in absence suffices.

17. Those who call for women’s freedom do not seek her freedom, but rather freedom to access her. A woman’s freedom never means freeing her from clothes or traditional adornments. Nudity has never been a measure of beauty or splendor. True freedom for a woman means freedom of choice, freedom of thought, and freedom of life. Those who have attempted to grasp the reality of women have not understood the secrets of their hearts, because they see them through the lens of their weak, lustful souls, noticing only the contours of their bodies. Therefore, they can find nothing in her but weakness and submission. The most selfish men love themselves in the presence of a woman; none loves her for who she is or for what is unseen in her. They all love her for themselves; none loves her for her own sake. Freedom is not a discarded veil, nor a despised religion, nor abandoned morals — it is elevated thought, respect for the mind, building a beautiful future, and a doctrine we uphold and cherish.

Tribute to the woman patient in her faith and creed, who preserves her chastity, honor, dignity, attire, and purity, clinging to virtue.

Tribute to her for not believing the wolves, dogs, beasts, and scum of East and West, who wish to see her as cheap merchandise in the vile market of their desires and animal whims.

Tribute to her for believing in God’s law, accepting the rights He gave her as a woman and the duties He imposed, and rejecting the false claims that attempt to grant her rights that belong not to her but would violate the rights of her Lord, religion, husband, father, and brother.

18. Take good care of women, for they are lamps of the home. “Take good care of women, for they were created from a rib, and the most crooked part of the rib is at the top; if you try to straighten it, you will break it, and if you leave it, it remains crooked. Take good care of women”. [Narrated by Bukhari & Muslim]. Examples of gentleness toward a wife include overlooking her faults and forgiving her. (And among His signs: He created you from dust, then you became humans spreading [over the earth]; and among His signs: He created mates from yourselves so that you may find tranquility in them and placed between you affection and mercy. Indeed, in that are signs for those who reflect). [Surah Ar - Rum 20–21]. (…and live with them in kindness…) [Surah An-Nisa 19]. Finally, if a daughter’s marriage succeeds in the family, the family gains a son; if her marriage fails, the family loses a daughter.

19. Moreover, scholars and thinkers stand astonished before a virtuous woman drawn toward a cunning, deceptive man, or a woman of beauty drawn toward an unattractive man. The most beautiful women are those who are feminine in a man’s presence and composed in his absence. Some love arises from a hidden garden in nature. Love is a complex feeling, difficult to describe. It is a feeling of unique distinction. Love is the fusion of two different ideas into one. A man believes a woman loves the wealthy and admires the handsome and famous, but in truth, she loves the one who becomes a brother, friend, and support, respecting her mind, being, and personality.

20. Never trust what your heart does not feel at ease with, for the heart is more discerning than the eye. In this regard, the Bible says: “The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately sick; who can understand it? I, the Lord, search the heart and test the mind, to give every man according to his ways, according to the fruit of his deeds”. (Jeremiah 17: 9–10). Prophet Solomon said: “Keep your heart, for from it flow the springs of life”. (Proverbs 4:23), “Do not give your cunning to women…”. (Proverbs 31:3), and “I have found something bitterer than death: a woman who is a trap, whose heart is snares, and whose hands are chains. The righteous before God escape her; the sinner falls into her… My soul still seeks her, but I did not find her. One man among a thousand I found, but a woman among all of them I did not find”. (Ecclesiastes 7: 26–28).

21. Regarding a woman’s allure, Prophet Solomon said: “For the lips of an adulterous woman drip honey, and her palate is smoother than oil, but her end is bitter as wormwood, sharp as a double-edged sword. Her feet go down to death; her steps cling to the abyss”. (Proverbs 5: 3–5). On the other hand, he said: “…Rejoice with the wife of your youth, the beloved gazelle and graceful deer. Let her breasts satisfy you at all times, and be intoxicated always with her love”. (Proverbs 5: 18–19), “I perfumed my bed with myrrh, aloes, and cinnamon. Come, let us be drenched in affection until morning. Let us delight in love… He was enticed by her many arts, overwhelmed by the veil of her lips. He went after her at the time, like a goat going to slaughter…”. (Proverbs 7: 17–22).

         Dr. Antoin Elias Jaajaa
          (Clinical psychology)
       antoinjaajaa@gmail.com